Code Blue

There was what is called a Code Blue at the shelter, whenever the temperature dips down below 32 degrees; the guests are allowed to come into the chapel area to stay warm. They are given hot cocoa. The Chef’s prepare not only dinner, but will also prepare lunch to feed the guests. This is extra work and effort on everyone’s part. On Tuesday the 7th there was a Code Blue at the shelter. After working and helping prepare and serve lunch, and peeling and cutting what seemed like an eternity’s worth of sweet potatoes for dinner, I left the shelter to go back to the convent. Along the way I stopped at Times Square. I’d never been there. I wasn’t really sightseeing. I just wanted a glimpse. I decided I wanted to go back to Times Square when it was dark, just to take a picture at night. I also wanted to get a picture of the Empire State Building. After the saying Vespers with the Sisters and eating a silent meal, I went back to Times Square. Of course, it was freezing cold. It was so cold I think my eyeballs froze. All I could think about were the guests, the “Cookie’s “of this world, who could be out in the freezing cold. Even in the subway, there seemed to be no reprieve. Yes, it is out of the wind, but the temperature was just so paralyzingly cold. The individuals who had to be out in the cold, because they had no place to go were occupying my mind as I worked my way back to the subway tunnel. Of course, I got lost again. The resounding theme of my week, but I seem to be always led back to the place that I need to be (What I call “faith-based” directions.) Anyway, I’m coming back through the long subway station around 42nd street, to get to the train to go back to the Convent, when I happen upon a guy playing the guitar. He had his guitar case open to collect money from amused would be fans. But I was astounded by the many that walked by without even acknowledging him. Granted his playing wasn’t all that moving, but I was taken with the fact that this was the only gift that he had to give, and he was actually out there, in freezing cold temps, doing something, and he was doing it with a smile on his face. He had about 2 bucks in the case. Of course, I had walked by, like the hundreds of others, and then I stopped and came back. I listened. Then I asked him if he was living on the street. He said he was in and out of homelessness. I went through the standard list of questions, and then I asked his name. He said with a smile, “Cee.” We talked for a bit. I asked if I could take his picture. He was taken back by that. He said you really respect me. He said others have just done it without asking. He thanked me. I gave him some money for allowing me to take his picture. I told him about the shelter, said I would pray for him, and then moved through the crowd that streamed by, back to the warm comfort of my room and my bed.

Right to the very end.....

Sheldon When I get up in the morning, I just ask God to direct me to where he wants me to go, and do what he wants me to do. Today was no different. I just said, “Whatever Lord!””I’m willing!” Today I walked the 15 or so blocks to the 145th street subway. I really wasn’t feeling well again. I didn’t feel like getting a coffee this morning. I wasn’t really eager to go, but I wasn’t eager to stay. I had to be at the bus station by 10:15 because the bus leaves at 11:15. I left the apartment at 9:00 just because I didn’t know how the trains were running. I got off at 42nd street, where the bus terminal is. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go to the gate. Maybe I could use a cup of hot tea, was my thinking. I decided against it and went to the gate, set my heavy stuff down, and sat down. I felt weary, tired and sick. That “ick” feeling had returned. I could have gone to sleep, but I didn’t. I had lots of time. After 30 minutes or so the “ick” feeling disappeared. Yes, I had that craving for latte’ again. Of course the person walking by holding a Starbucks cup helped to reinforce the craving. So I picked up my heavy stuff again, went over to Greyhound Customer Service and asked if there was a baggage check. He said if I wanted to pay $9 I could store 1 bag. Forget that. So I started to wonder a bit to see if the Starbucks was close. I went over to the side where there was a cafeteria style restaurant. I was going to opt for tea. Just as I was getting ready to go in, a man came by, asked if he could help me. I said, “Oh no thank you.” He began walking away. I came to that “maybe he knew the way to Starbucks” feeling. So I shouted across the way, “Do you know where the Starbucks is?” He turned around and waved me over and said, “Yes I do.” He kind of looked like he belonged there, a worker with no tags on. My mother was thinking in my head, but God was thinking in my heart. He wasn’t leading me outside the terminal. I made casual conversation. I asked if he worked there. He said no. I just help people for tips. He proceeded to tell me that he grew up in the 42nd street train station. He knew where everything was. We continued to walk until I saw the Starbucks. He brought me a table which I would need, and helped me put my luggage down. I took out the money I had in my pocket, thanked him for his help but continued to ask him questions. I said, “You must live close by.” He said,”Well, to be honest I am homeless right now. He said, “ My mentor from church wants me to get a job. He’s a really good guy. He tries to help people like me. .” I told him that it wasn’t coincidence that we ran into each other. I told him what I had been doing all week, and that God was knitting together situations like this all week for his glory. I gave him the money, and then asked if I could buy him a cup of coffee. He said, “Yes, that would be great.” I asked if he was hungry. “Have you eaten today?” He said he hadn’t. I got all our stuff and we sat down. We sat and talked until it was time for me to go. He talked about the job that he lost. I encouraged him to get with his Mentor. He said he would. I told him that I would pray for him, as he tried to figure out his life. I told him about the shelter, and that he could get a hot meal every night if he needed. He helped me take my bags back down stairs to the gate. He shook my hand. I could tell that his spirits were lifted. It amazes me how God has knit all these situations together. It amazes me that he would pick me to be a part of this whole week. I am very humbled and in awe of his mercy on me.

Sometimes you just have to sit in it!

Friday, I was going through my daily ritual for my latte’. This time I bought myself a sandwich. Yes, I needed to take away the bread, and it the contents. You know those moments when you can picture something happening, and a few minutes later, it does. I had one of those moments. I actually got a seat, and sat down by a very well dressed gentleman. He looked very prim and proper. My premonition flashed through my mind, while I put the bag with my sandwich down and put my latte’ between my legs. I ignored my thoughts and proceeded to take my sandwich a part, when suddenly my latte was on the floor. The gentleman shouted, “oh….oh”, and picked up his bag quickly before the stream of running latte’ could hit his bag. It had already splashed his shoes. I was, of course, mortified and very apologetic. I picked up the cup, which had about a half a cup in it. The gentleman in his very English accent, says very loudly, “Well my Ollie what a fine mess we’ve made!” I went along and said, “you got that mate, a fine mess indeed!” Does anyone know what happens to a large cup of latte’ when it spills in a subway. When the subway goes up a hill it puddles by the door, when it goes downhill, it runs little trails mostly down the middle of the subway. Riders would board the train to find my mess, and me holding the dreadful cup. I slowly began un-wrapping my sandwich, took it apart, ate its contents, and saved the bread for the next would be homeless person God would put in my path. I debated getting off the train at the next stop, but thought to myself. “Susan, sometimes you just have to sit in it even if it is not comfortable.” Lessons learned from this experience: 1) Don’t take a sandwich and a latte’ on to the train. 2) When there’s nothing else you can do, play along, and laugh. 3) Write to the New York City Transit Authority demanding a cup holder section. (Right!)

Bernie is a woman.

This morning I had to get up to go to Padre Pedro's Pantry (I call it that.) I had to catch the A train, which meant I had to leave the apartment at 6:30. Still struggling to feel well, I left pretty much on time. Since I am on 159th Street, I had to take the C train to 145th (Dunkin Donuts)and catch the A train, which would take me all the way to Brooklyn. So I come into the 145th train station and come out of the subway tunnel, but I come up around 147th street (very easy for me to go the wrong way.), which means I have to walk 2 blocks to D & D for my morning indulgence. I come to the sidewalk across the street from D & D and this woman charges at me, gets within inches of my face, spews and says, "My mommy died" She tries to kiss me on the cheek. "Can you give me $20." I said, "No, I'm not going to give you $20. She persisted by saying she needed to buy a bra. "See" takes my hand and tries to "show" me why she needed a bra. I said, "Whoa!" and pull back my hand. I asked her if she was hungry. I happened to have a few pieces of bread leftover from breakfast. I gave her the bag, and proceeded to walk across the street. She follows and says, "How 'bout $5? Five dollars is good. How 'bout five?" I said, "I'm sorry, but the answer is no," and continued to walk across the street. I went into D & D, and there's a guy in there enjoying the show. He just smiles. I shake my head, and move to the line. A man came in behind me. She does the same song and dance with him. The man is irate. He says, "The answer is No, Sista! Get out my face!" I called her over, and said, "Look, I'll give you a dollar if you let me take your picture." I asked her if she really thought her tactic was working? It didn't seem to register, but it did calm her down. I took a quick picture, gave her the dollar and left. Whew! All that intensity, and it wasn't even 7 a.m.

Anthony "Tony"

After settling into my new digs, I had to catch the subway to go to the shelter, but had to do it at a different station. I caught the C train at W 163rd Street. Spanish Harlem. That would bring me into lower Manhattan, just like the others. So I hopped on, and of course got craving my latte’ from D & D. I figured if I have to sit here for the 40 minute ride, I might as well have a hot latte’ to enjoy the ride. I knew that I could stop off at W 145th Street. There’s a D & D there. Of course I immediately thought of Cookie. I wondered how she was. I haven’t seen her since that day. I knew that the probability of me seeing her there was low, because it was 11:30 a.m. When I met her it was 9:30 in the morning. So anyway, I hopped off the train headed to D & D. I went to get the door, and a man was standing there. His hair was greasy and he was unkempt. He had bruises where it looked like someone had beaten him up. He had a cane in his other hand. He was dirty and probably smelly too (I don’t have good smelling sense.) I walked just inside the door and said, “Can I buy you a cup of coffee?” “The only condition is that you come in with me to get it. He did. I asked my questions. I think I’ve developed a list of them. What’s your name? Are you living on the street? How long have you been living on the street? “My name is Anthony, but you can call me Tony.” “My mother’s the only one that calls me Anthony.” “I lost my job, and everything.” “Now I’m on the street.” I gave him my name. We ordered, me my latte’, he his coffee. I looked out the corner of my eye, and he was eying the sandwiches. I said, “Do you want a sandwich?” “How long has it been since you ate?” He didn’t know. He couldn’t tell me. I told him about the shelter on Lafayette Street. I said you can get a hot meal every night. He looked at me, and then I looked at his cane, and it dawned on me that he could not get around that easily. He said “Lafayette is a whole other world.” I gave him all the change I had in my pocket, enough to pay the subway down and back. I explained how to get there. Anthony thanked me over and over again throughout our exchange. I told him that I would have my church praying for him. I said, I will be praying for you.” He shook my hand, and took and held it to his forehead, and then kissed it and looked me in the eye and repeated “Thank you so much. You have made my day.” I took my latte’ back to the subway station to get back on the train, and cried. I thanked God for the opportunity, and blubbered my way, all the way to the shelter.

Changes

Today brought about change. Change is never easy anyway. We have to let go of the old or what we have gotten used to, and venture forward to the next thing. Lodging is very difficult to find in this city, unless you are willing to rent a hotel room it is in fact extremely difficult. I believe I have mentioned this a time or two in this journey. When calling around to make the arrangements for a place to stay, my dear friends girlfriend agreed to have me even though her apartment is very tiny. I would sleep on an air mattress. She wouldn’t be here until Wednesday. So I figured I would give her a day to recover from her trip and come on Thursday. It really worked out well because I wouldn’t be able to stay at the convent from Thursday on anyway. They had already booked the room. As it turned out, my friend’s girlfriend had something come up, so they had to overnight the key to me. I received it yesterday. God’s perfect timing. So today, I said goodbye to the Sister’s, the beautifully warm and inviting room and bed, and the safety net of the convent. I let go of what was. All I had to do was walk 8 blocks up with my bags in tow. I think I looked like a homeless person that hadn’t let go of all her stuff yet. For all intense and purposes I was alone. I had no body keeping tabs on my whereabouts. I didn’t sign a paper of what time I left and what time I would return. I walked slowly and reflectively to my next “home.” I went to the address I was given. It was an empty lot. There was nothing there. It was gated off from anyone entering. I felt that fear overwhelm me. This isn’t looking to good. I called my friend, he had made an error. I was on the wrong block. Whew! I was thinking that perhaps God wanted me to fully understand homelessness and be sleeping in the vacant lot. So I moved one block over, yup, sure enough there was a building there, a building that I could not get into because I did not have a key. I had a key to the apartment, but not to the front door. I call my friend, fear and panic begin to set in again. “You have to wait for someone to come out so you can go in.” Okay, this is not the nice everything working out sort of thing I was expecting. God had planned it though. I make the plans, he directs the steps. If it was all rosy, warm and sunshine, I don’t think I would learn as much. So this is where the true learning begins. This apartment isn't the nice, warm inviting place like the convent, but it is where I am laying my head at night, and I am thankful.

God's got the details!

At every turn of this journey, I am learning that God has the details. All I need to do is listen, really listen, and He directs. This is his picture. He’s the director. When I began arranging my lodging for this trip, I called a myriad of places (churches, convents, etc.) One of the first churches I called was, “The Journey.” They have a website. They weren’t very kind or helpful, but hey they were a church. I learned that they are what are referred to as a portable church. Anyway, they completely shut me down, which is okay. I want to be where God wants me to be. Even though they shut me down, for some odd reason I was drawn to look at their website again. When I did, I learned that on January 11 they were going to be giving food out to the homeless in the park. I thought to myself, what a great way to end my trip. So I called them again. The receptionist patched me through to the voicemail of the man who was directing the event. I left a message. He never returned my call. That was a month or so ago. I got to thinking about it again this week. I would really love to end my trip that way, I thought. So I called The Journey Church again (can't say I'm not persistent.) Again, I was referred to the voicemail of the man who was directing the event. Again he did not call back. We make our plans in our hearts, but it is God that directs our steps. So today I go to the shelter to work. There are a couple other volunteers that were there when I arrived. We are all doing our jobs, but today is different. There were all these conversations that were happening between Chef Pedro, Sharon (volunteer), Luther (volunteer), Scott (resident)and myself. I mean we covered a lot of territory in just an hour, or not even. At one point Scott was talking to me, about spiritual things. I have to admit I was half listening, because Chef Pedro and Sharon were talking about ministry, ministering to the needs of others. Scott and I joined in their conversation, and WOW! God figured my Saturday out right there and then. Come to find out Chef Pedro runs a food pantry and needs help on Saturday morning. So he recruited Sharon and I to meet him at his food pantry to give out food. Amazing! So the plan I had tried to make, God already worked it out. I had an AMAZING DAY!

Cookie

So I'm on my way to the shelter. It's raining quite hard. I get to where the subway station is and notice a Dunkin Donuts across the street. I hadn't eaten breakfast yet, and wanted to grab something before I got to the shelter. I walk to the door and a woman smiles at me and opens the door for me. She doesn't ask for anything. She smiles and opens. I walk in, get in line, someone else gets right behind me. I look back to where the woman is standing. She is doing that for everyone, and people keep coming by her. I feel that tug at my heart to go speak to her. So I walk up to her and asked if I could buy her a cup of coffee. She said yes. I said, "on the condition that you sit and talk with me. She accepted my invitation. Now, I forgot that I was there to get breakfast, so I offered to buy her a sandwich. We ordered. We went to find a seat to no avail. So we stood. I asked her her name. She said, "Cookie", and I introduced myself. I asked her if she lived on the street. She said yes. I asked her age. She said 42. We got our sandwiches and stood by a counter area to eat them. I could tell by the way she ate that it had been a while. She only ate half, said she wanted to save it for later. We talked about kids, jobs, and life. I told her that I was working down at the NYC Rescue Mission and that they serve hot meals every night. I gave her subway fare to get there. She said she was going to try to go. I asked if she had a place to go tomorrow, because it was going to be cold. She said she could go to a friends house. I said I would meet her at the same place tomorrow. She cried, kissed me on the cheek and we hugged. My parting words were that I would pray for her. I also said that there are people who care about her. She cried, kissed me on the cheek and we hugged.

First Day

First Day January 5, 2014 I got up early this morning because I wanted to attend the Convent Avenue Baptist Church. Why Convent Avenue Baptist Church? Because when I was making arrangements for lodging, they were one of the many churches I called. I will always remember that phone conversation. After denying me and saying that they didn't have a ministry, the woman on the phone said she would take my name and number and ask people who came into the office if they would put me up. She went on to say that she would pray that I would find a place to stay while volunteering at the shelter. I thanked her. Her response is what made me want to attend a service at Convent Avenue Baptist Church. She said, "I don't think God would like it to much if we didn't care about one another, would he?" That statement blew me away. So this morning I went to Convent Avenue Baptist Church. I made out the visitor card and wrote a note thanking that person for their prayers. I couldn't stay for the whole service because I had committed to having breakfast with the Sisters. I went to the NYC Rescue Mission after finishing breakfast. It took me a bit to get there. After getting turned around a few times and walking by the shelter at least 4 times. I walked in to the shelter. I worked 6 1/2 hours total. Everything that I did today (stacking cup, napkin, fork into a bin; setting tables; cutting bread; making salad (lots of salad); putting a huge pan of rice into a serving pan; peeling garlic; peeling garlic; peeling garlic...) went into serving 162 meals consisting of rice turkey or chicken and gravy and salad. I got to be the one who counted the number of meals given and served each person in need a hot plate of food. I kept the line going even though I was told that I was supposed to do that. Most were thankful. Some were demanding (mostly wanted a plate of food that was bigger than what they were given.). Some were thankful that I was there (they said so.) I have been on my feet all day. I took a break at one point and went to Starbucks (I think they thought it was to much for me, and I wasn't coming back. Proved them wrong and came back after an hour, as I had said.) The reason I did that is I knew that I would be getting out after dark. I wanted to get acclimated with direction, so I would know where the subway station was. I got a little turned around going in. I am tired. My body is tired. My feet are sore. Even with all that I feel so excited and elated that I am here. I'm really here, and walking through it. God is so great. Fear has been one of the looming obstacles in this journey. There have been times that I have been so overcome with it. I could have not done this mission because of it. Every juncture where there has been fear God has put someone to pray over me. I am so very thankful for that. I am exhausted, but I am at peace.